Cultivating and preserving your femininity at work and other male-dominated spaces.
I want to discuss a subject that I am often asked about how to balance nurturing your femininity with success in a male-dominated industry. There are a few ways that working in a male-dominated, high-pressure environment can be taxing to women who decide to embark on a feminine journey.
- Firstly, the culture of these industries often rewards calculating and manipulative tendencies through the competition required to get ahead.
- Secondly, women may feel pressure to conform to traditionally male norms to be taken seriously and advance in their careers. Women who prefer to dress and present in more traditionally feminine ways often face judgment and are regarded as less serious (think: Elle Woods)
- Lastly, the lack of female role models and mentors in these industries can make it difficult for women to find support and guidance in their professional lives. This can lead to loneliness, self-doubt, and disconnection from their feminine selves.
While working in big law, I made an intentional decision not to lose myself to the environment.
I decided early on that I was not going to turn my femininity on and off in order to succeed because there is strength in femininity.
Who said that femininity is a handicap or that womanhood is a barrier to success? I was determined to find ways to preserve my femininity while doing my best to be a standout associate.
So, what can women do to reclaim their femininity and feminine energy in these challenging environments? Here are a few tips that worked wonders for me:
- Embrace your femininity: It is essential to recognize and honor the unique qualities that make you the woman you are. This includes your intuition, empathy, and creativity. I was always bold in embracing and using these qualities to my advantage. I also leaned into all the “girly” things I loved all my life, like self-care, hair, and makeup. I did not allow the narrative that certain grooming habits and dress styles made me unserious.
- I let my work speak for itself: As a new associate, there is a lot of pressure to prove yourself early on. If you are not careful, this pressure to make a good impression can lead you down a path of trying to perform an identity that belongs to someone else. In other words, you try to be someone you are NOT. As a junior associate, I let my work speak for itself. I put time and effort into my work product, delivered quality each time, and communicated with my seniors about necessary improvements. When my work was good, and the feedback validated my efforts, I had more freedom to be myself.
- Connect with other women: Seek out female colleagues and mentors who can offer support, guidance, and inspiration. I advise learning from people who have the life you want to emulate. I sought out women with similar lifestyle goals who prioritized caring for themselves and protecting their womanhood and femininity while enjoying success at work. You can join networking groups, attend conferences, and connect with like-minded women in your industry.
- Set boundaries: Don’t feel pressured to conform to masculine norms that don’t align with your values or personality. Refrain from believing that you must outwork everyone to prove your worthiness. I consciously decided to work with the goal of learning, not to show myself worthy. I was already in. I was selected for the position following a rigorous and selective recruiting season. So, I was already worthy. This frame of mind allowed me to see my assignments as both privileges and opportunities to grow instead of draining burdens to endure. Set boundaries around how you want to show up professionally, and don’t be afraid to assert yourself when necessary.
- Take care of yourself: It’s important to prioritize self-care to maintain your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. I do the best work when I feel the best, and I feel the best when I take good care of myself and invest in self-care. This can involve anything from exercise and healthy eating to meditation, spa days, and therapy.
